Unique Wallpaper: best joke

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihLeS4OhjgxUeHxFps86Hlkdb2Q7y-j-VaZbcrPviSqXqtgFVf1ggKWFOYlXf9i7cJJZyPcPw88NCzYFU1yRo2QYiLrZ6HdXm5jh7nnSvvkmgY1ir5Ja07tnq4IEFrc890EZlhNOi0mA8/s1600/11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihLeS4OhjgxUeHxFps86Hlkdb2Q7y-j-VaZbcrPviSqXqtgFVf1ggKWFOYlXf9i7cJJZyPcPw88NCzYFU1yRo2QYiLrZ6HdXm5jh7nnSvvkmgY1ir5Ja07tnq4IEFrc890EZlhNOi0mA8/s320/11.jpg" width="297" /></a></div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"></div><ul><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">There was this little girl who said to her teacher, "Miss, I wish I'd been alive 2,000 years ago."</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     Her teacher asked, "Really Rosy? Why's that?"</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>  The girl replied, "There would have been so much less history to learn."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A college boy said to his mother, "I have decided to take to politics after my studies and to clean up the mess in the world."</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     His mother reacted to his proposition and said, "That's very nice. You can go upstairs and start with your room."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Husband: "That damned wife of mine is a liar!"</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Friend: "How do you know?"</i></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Husband: "Because she said she spent the night with Leena."</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Friend: "So?"</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Husband: "But I spent the night with Leena!"<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">John got a call at the office from his wife. "Tell me my dear," she asked, "Wednesday is our fifteenth wedding anniversary..</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "What special present do you want from your loving wife?"</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     John replied, "You mean I can ask for anything?"</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "You can ask for anything."</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     John asked, "How about 5 minutes of silence."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"There's mutual feeling between my wife and me."</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "That's nice."</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "No, it's not."</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     He replied, "We hate each other."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Father: "I see you got a 'D' for conduct but an 'A' for courtesy. How is that possible?"</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Son: "Whenever I kick someone, I apologise."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A small girl was told she needed an X-ray. When she came out of the X-ray room, she told her mother, "They took a picture of my bones."</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "Yes, dear," replied the mother. "Did everything go alright?"</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     The small replied, "Sure." "It was amazing. I didn't even have to take my skin off."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">In a party a woman was requested by the organisers to sing. After she sang, she proudly announced that she had spent $25,000 to learn music.</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "I want you to meet my brother," interjected a guest.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "Is he a critic or an agent?" asked the singer.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     The man replied "Neither," "He is a lawyer. He'll get your money back."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A woman was noted for her bargaining skills particularly with vegetable vendors. She would never buy anything without reducing the quoted price.</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     One day she asked her son studying in the second standard, "How much is 2 x 2=?"</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     The boy replied, "Six."</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>   "Son, you ought to learn your tables better. The answer is four."</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>    The boy said triumphantly, "I know it is 4. But if I say six you will bring it down to four."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Mom: "You have been fighting again and lost two of your front teeth."</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>Son: "No, I have not lost them."</i></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "What do you mean? Two of your front teeth are missing."</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     The boy unhesitatingly proved his point that he had not lost his teeth.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     The boy replied, "The teeth are not missing. I have got them in my pocket."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A famous boxer had to use the washroom attached to the waiting room at the railway station and fearing his overcoat might be stolen, he attached a ticket to it before hanging it on a peg in the waiting room.</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     The ticket read: "Owned by a famou<b>s Boxer </b>who will be back in 5 minutes."</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     When he returned for his overcoat a little later, all he found was a ticket which read...</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "Taken by a <b>Champion Sprinter</b>, who won't return."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "The customer is going to return here pretty mad," he predicted to his boss.</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "Shall I give him his money back?"</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     The boss shouted at him and said "Money back?" roared the boss.</i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>     "What kind of salesman are you? Go out there and sell him a motor boat."<br /><br /></i></div></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">In a co-education college a boy and a girl fell in love and decided to marry. The boy was doing his doctoral research and the girl her masters degree.</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large; font-style: italic;"><br /></span></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">     One day the boy spiritedly told his girl..."Darling when I complete my degree, will you call me <b>Doctor</b>?"</span></i></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">     The replied promptly "Of course. But when I finish my degree, you must call me '<b>Master</b>'."<br /></span></i><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvmseVsWYmnYhua7fzhDVFTrWBzlY4tyaLhJQMXxfG7wKHyUg3mkCJzWpEswjQp5hbzg2fkNe0jXLM-GJirScI-zBtgq88IyujPfXRoQM0mToIh14U5_cU-ZYAb2q6ytoL7yG-DnKGhpw/s1600/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhvmseVsWYmnYhua7fzhDVFTrWBzlY4tyaLhJQMXxfG7wKHyUg3mkCJzWpEswjQp5hbzg2fkNe0jXLM-GJirScI-zBtgq88IyujPfXRoQM0mToIh14U5_cU-ZYAb2q6ytoL7yG-DnKGhpw/s320/2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div></div></i></span></li></ul></div>

The Best Cool Jokes Ever

There was this little girl who said to her teacher, "Miss, I wish I'd been alive 2,000 years ago." Her teacher asked, ...

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>1. A doctor says to his patient, " I have bad news and worse news."</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>"That's terrible", said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."</i></b></span></div><br /><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0yvUnOk3qx_5QQK1zDJyw5x0VMaTLPAk-wQ3EpCXXimdh_p5-yoJ8Vg86wcpK0j9u1IrnAyukshYRsMq3JmG65_B0Wo-guQtobWNPdYWq7z6Fh5yX_5wF7TwX9dZ21XKGgZP0uRJt_P8/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0yvUnOk3qx_5QQK1zDJyw5x0VMaTLPAk-wQ3EpCXXimdh_p5-yoJ8Vg86wcpK0j9u1IrnAyukshYRsMq3JmG65_B0Wo-guQtobWNPdYWq7z6Fh5yX_5wF7TwX9dZ21XKGgZP0uRJt_P8/s400/1.jpg" width="335" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>2. A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>He gasps to the operator: </i></b></span><b style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">"My friend is dead! What can I do?"</span></i></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"</i></b></span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX6xNCni1317TA7Qys8B0JjWTEOlVChp7ooDpNOnRQTTXHJUT9cEzChVCG7KccueRTNodTTeKr3kfckW4ZtsNCFbfQEpAPJZ-HW0oCzZW0-sOERXDzi5KmYOChWrIUZw71Z9oxmC6L6WY/s1600/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX6xNCni1317TA7Qys8B0JjWTEOlVChp7ooDpNOnRQTTXHJUT9cEzChVCG7KccueRTNodTTeKr3kfckW4ZtsNCFbfQEpAPJZ-HW0oCzZW0-sOERXDzi5KmYOChWrIUZw71Z9oxmC6L6WY/s320/2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>3. A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guy's is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind ma."</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."</i></b></span> </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmXow-uIXL2JmMr-94bDzpLSKPZ2pcZE-pzO9mkV54ysjh7cdkupDm1ta8RlWd1HlvrvtGt1t6B3mSfCAfr_0Py7URUoXXhydoXX0vBKxuYvitPQ8VTX0KQGNpdUGsldwXb68QanUSf9k/s1600/6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmXow-uIXL2JmMr-94bDzpLSKPZ2pcZE-pzO9mkV54ysjh7cdkupDm1ta8RlWd1HlvrvtGt1t6B3mSfCAfr_0Py7URUoXXhydoXX0vBKxuYvitPQ8VTX0KQGNpdUGsldwXb68QanUSf9k/s400/6.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>4. This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor!?"</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...?</i></b></span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO0ut1nV6Q1n1DruagSDu_HXo1tW2Xdhsxe1H0-hRwHPRZGI2NP8nYRxio8mH0eAgDjzlALwlQwqAS9chE2oNfGP8iEJMu0dLmZiqXMJngUFGyUeoyy7Eg8B2rZbFo3SCH0kHvs-x7kTU/s1600/9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO0ut1nV6Q1n1DruagSDu_HXo1tW2Xdhsxe1H0-hRwHPRZGI2NP8nYRxio8mH0eAgDjzlALwlQwqAS9chE2oNfGP8iEJMu0dLmZiqXMJngUFGyUeoyy7Eg8B2rZbFo3SCH0kHvs-x7kTU/s400/9.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>5. Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."</i></b></span></div></div></div>

The World's Funniest Jokes

1. A doctor says to his patient, " I have bad news and worse news." Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The ...

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