The World's Funniest Jokes

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>1. A doctor says to his patient, " I have bad news and worse news."</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The doctor replies, "You only have 24 hours to live."</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>"That's terrible", said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?"</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The doctor replies, "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday."</i></b></span></div><br /><div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0yvUnOk3qx_5QQK1zDJyw5x0VMaTLPAk-wQ3EpCXXimdh_p5-yoJ8Vg86wcpK0j9u1IrnAyukshYRsMq3JmG65_B0Wo-guQtobWNPdYWq7z6Fh5yX_5wF7TwX9dZ21XKGgZP0uRJt_P8/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0yvUnOk3qx_5QQK1zDJyw5x0VMaTLPAk-wQ3EpCXXimdh_p5-yoJ8Vg86wcpK0j9u1IrnAyukshYRsMq3JmG65_B0Wo-guQtobWNPdYWq7z6Fh5yX_5wF7TwX9dZ21XKGgZP0uRJt_P8/s400/1.jpg" width="335" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>2. A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>He gasps to the operator: </i></b></span><b style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">"My friend is dead! What can I do?"</span></i></b></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"</i></b></span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX6xNCni1317TA7Qys8B0JjWTEOlVChp7ooDpNOnRQTTXHJUT9cEzChVCG7KccueRTNodTTeKr3kfckW4ZtsNCFbfQEpAPJZ-HW0oCzZW0-sOERXDzi5KmYOChWrIUZw71Z9oxmC6L6WY/s1600/2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="313" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhX6xNCni1317TA7Qys8B0JjWTEOlVChp7ooDpNOnRQTTXHJUT9cEzChVCG7KccueRTNodTTeKr3kfckW4ZtsNCFbfQEpAPJZ-HW0oCzZW0-sOERXDzi5KmYOChWrIUZw71Z9oxmC6L6WY/s320/2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>3. A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guy's is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind ma."</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."</i></b></span> </div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmXow-uIXL2JmMr-94bDzpLSKPZ2pcZE-pzO9mkV54ysjh7cdkupDm1ta8RlWd1HlvrvtGt1t6B3mSfCAfr_0Py7URUoXXhydoXX0vBKxuYvitPQ8VTX0KQGNpdUGsldwXb68QanUSf9k/s1600/6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmXow-uIXL2JmMr-94bDzpLSKPZ2pcZE-pzO9mkV54ysjh7cdkupDm1ta8RlWd1HlvrvtGt1t6B3mSfCAfr_0Py7URUoXXhydoXX0vBKxuYvitPQ8VTX0KQGNpdUGsldwXb68QanUSf9k/s400/6.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>4. This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor!?"</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...?</i></b></span></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO0ut1nV6Q1n1DruagSDu_HXo1tW2Xdhsxe1H0-hRwHPRZGI2NP8nYRxio8mH0eAgDjzlALwlQwqAS9chE2oNfGP8iEJMu0dLmZiqXMJngUFGyUeoyy7Eg8B2rZbFo3SCH0kHvs-x7kTU/s1600/9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO0ut1nV6Q1n1DruagSDu_HXo1tW2Xdhsxe1H0-hRwHPRZGI2NP8nYRxio8mH0eAgDjzlALwlQwqAS9chE2oNfGP8iEJMu0dLmZiqXMJngUFGyUeoyy7Eg8B2rZbFo3SCH0kHvs-x7kTU/s400/9.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>5. Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!"</i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i><br /></i></b></span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><b><i>The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."</i></b></span></div></div></div>

The World's Funniest Jokes

1. A doctor says to his patient, " I have bad news and worse news." Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The ...

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