Thanksgiving Day Funny Quotes

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWZKmY8nEfRXo7jPCcDjyeRoDg7PCj9Kd9xXhQw0Clyb2B1oaMNgraFLubwdnM8-J60IA6u3i6lA6cmWZIrree7kkMu4Q_T6OP5J3mBaf7JKaRlvD_GaQUaxBbSmYvdya0QKSZIMrJk_E/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNzWIL1mbJw2GimL_J-NiWb1BHRDIVCUduyi7VaXV5P85M0iIzwQRSQcCOthHnL87VpceQeDtvJTWFk_DB7ROdX6Q2-_T0la3-5qMZLxG967a0aK464fPOxR2hRR5x2-zTWM4YpRM4B28/s1600/1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNzWIL1mbJw2GimL_J-NiWb1BHRDIVCUduyi7VaXV5P85M0iIzwQRSQcCOthHnL87VpceQeDtvJTWFk_DB7ROdX6Q2-_T0la3-5qMZLxG967a0aK464fPOxR2hRR5x2-zTWM4YpRM4B28/s320/1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><ul><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch you must first invent the universe." <b>- Carl Sagan</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Most turkeys taste better the day after;</span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><i>My mother's tasted better the day before. <b>- Rita Rudner</b></i></div><i><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><b><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div></b></i></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing." <b>- George Carlin</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day. <b>- Irv Kupcine</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty." <b>- Michael Dresser</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Thanksgiving is possible only for those who take time to remember; no one can give thanks who has a short memory" <b>- Unknown</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?'" <b>- Jim Gaffigan</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage." <b>- Erma Bombeck</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak." <b>- Phyllis Diller</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese." <b>- Ted Nugent</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants. <b>- Kevin James</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." <b>- Johnny Carson</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor" <b>- Phyllis Diller</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."<b> - Stephen Colbert</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie." <b>- Jim Davis</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">If you think Independence Day is America's defining holiday, think again. Thanksgiving deserves that title, hands-down. <b>- Tony Snow</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen. <b>- Kin Hubbard</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Here I am 5 o'clock in the morning stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird's butt." <b>- Roseanne Barr</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"I love Thanksgiving turkey....it's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts." <b>- Arnold Schwarzenegger</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out." <b>- Nicole Hollander</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">Thanksgiving is a typically American holiday. The lavish meal is a symbol of the fact that abundant consumption is the result and reward of production. <b>- Ayn Rand</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">What is sauce for the goose may be sauce for the gander but is not necessarily sauce for the chicken, the duck, the turkey or the guinea hen. <b>- Alice B. Toklas</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">"One distinguishing mark of an unregenerate man is ingratitude." <b>- E. J. Conrad</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">The thing I'm most thankful for right now is elastic waistbands. <b>- Unknown</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li><div style="text-align: justify;"><i style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;">This Thanksgiving is gonna be a special one. My mom says I don't have to sit at the card table. <b>- Jim Samuels</b></span></i></div><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><div style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;"><br /></span></div><div style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; text-align: justify;"><br /></div></span></li><li style="text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>"You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out." <b>- Jay Leno</b></i></span></li></ul></div>

Thanksgiving Day Funny Quotes

"If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch you must first invent the universe." - Carl Sagan "Most turkeys taste be...

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